Sunday, January 29, 2006
Homeland Security Protects Us From Evil Vegans
That's right. The Bush Administration has identified "Environmental Terrorists" as the most serious terrorist threat in the U.S., and you know as well as I that where there are environmentalists there are vegans. These non-meat-eating extremists expect red-blooded Americans to eschew (as in, don't chew) meat and meat products, such as dairy (almost everything found at Dairy Queen, dang it!).
But the government is on to these vegans. A dear friend forwarded an article to me that described the government in action. In this case, it was the DeKalb County (GA) Division of Homeland Security; these brave, patriotic souls were casing a vegan protest against a HoneyBaked Ham store on Buford Highway in late 2003. When one dangerous, meat-despising liberal jotted down the license plate of an undercover DeKalb County Homeland Security detective's car, this stalwart representative of our government arrested her scrawny, tofu-loving self. First, he demanded that she turn over the piece of paper on which she'd written down his license number; when the radical refused, the detective took her to the Big House.
And now the ACLU of Georgia wants to sue the U.S. of A. because they think the government is engaged in unconstitutional surveillance! What is this country coming to, I ask! Why, if the vegans are allowed to take over, the fast food restaurants will go under! No more ice cream! No more cheese! No more frozen yogurt, for the love of God! Not to mention how difficult it would be to find a patty melt. We'll be left with thin, healthy people, which translates into less business for doctors, drug companies, and insurance plans. Not to mention a surplus of cows.
Any sane person could see how disastrous this would be. Thank God we've got a Christian president who sees these threats for what they are and isn't afraid to fight them. I feel sure Osama bin Laden sees, too, and I'll bet he's shaking in his sandals.
But the government is on to these vegans. A dear friend forwarded an article to me that described the government in action. In this case, it was the DeKalb County (GA) Division of Homeland Security; these brave, patriotic souls were casing a vegan protest against a HoneyBaked Ham store on Buford Highway in late 2003. When one dangerous, meat-despising liberal jotted down the license plate of an undercover DeKalb County Homeland Security detective's car, this stalwart representative of our government arrested her scrawny, tofu-loving self. First, he demanded that she turn over the piece of paper on which she'd written down his license number; when the radical refused, the detective took her to the Big House.
And now the ACLU of Georgia wants to sue the U.S. of A. because they think the government is engaged in unconstitutional surveillance! What is this country coming to, I ask! Why, if the vegans are allowed to take over, the fast food restaurants will go under! No more ice cream! No more cheese! No more frozen yogurt, for the love of God! Not to mention how difficult it would be to find a patty melt. We'll be left with thin, healthy people, which translates into less business for doctors, drug companies, and insurance plans. Not to mention a surplus of cows.
Any sane person could see how disastrous this would be. Thank God we've got a Christian president who sees these threats for what they are and isn't afraid to fight them. I feel sure Osama bin Laden sees, too, and I'll bet he's shaking in his sandals.
