Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Passages from the Bible that should be read at weddings
I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sick of hearing the same old stuff read at Protestant weddings. If it's not Ecclesiastes' "to everything there is a season..." or Matthew's "love is patient, love is kind..." the passage pretty much doesn't get read. The Bible is a huge book that contains many interesting readings. I'm in a listing mood today, so here are a few of my suggestions for really interesting wedding memories:
1) Revelation 17:3, 5 "and I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast, full of blasphemous names, having seven heads and ten horns...and upon her forehead a name was written, a mystery, 'Babylon The Great, The Mother Of Harlots And Of The Abominations Of The Earth.'"
Don't mess with a women who has seven heads. She will catch you no matter what you're doing.
2) Amos 7:14 "Then Amos answered and said to Amaziah, "I am not a prophet, nor am I the son of a prophet; for I am a herdsman and a grower of sycamore figs."
I, too, am a grower of figs. I can identify. Rock on, Amos!
3) Isaiah 33:23 "Your tackle hangs slack; It cannot hold the base of its mast firmly, Nor spread out the sail."
I think a little Viagra is in order. No bride wants to deal with any slack on her wedding night.
4) Psalm 144:1 "Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle."
Marriage is hard work, from what I hear. Like the Whore of Babylon, I remain unwed.
5) Leviticus 20:10 "If there is a man who commits adultery with another man's wife, one who commits adultery with his friends's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death."
In other words, don't get drunk during the reception and mess around with the maid of honor. Now that's good advice.
6) Deuteronomy 9:24 "You have been rebellious against the lord from the day I knew you."
And you thought your parents weren't going to get to speak during your wedding!!
7) 2 Samuel 6:14 "And David was dancing before the lord with all his might, and David was wearing a linen ephod."
Get ready for a great reception! We've got a live band and enough linen ephods for everyone!
1) Revelation 17:3, 5 "and I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast, full of blasphemous names, having seven heads and ten horns...and upon her forehead a name was written, a mystery, 'Babylon The Great, The Mother Of Harlots And Of The Abominations Of The Earth.'"
Don't mess with a women who has seven heads. She will catch you no matter what you're doing.
2) Amos 7:14 "Then Amos answered and said to Amaziah, "I am not a prophet, nor am I the son of a prophet; for I am a herdsman and a grower of sycamore figs."
I, too, am a grower of figs. I can identify. Rock on, Amos!
3) Isaiah 33:23 "Your tackle hangs slack; It cannot hold the base of its mast firmly, Nor spread out the sail."
I think a little Viagra is in order. No bride wants to deal with any slack on her wedding night.
4) Psalm 144:1 "Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle."
Marriage is hard work, from what I hear. Like the Whore of Babylon, I remain unwed.
5) Leviticus 20:10 "If there is a man who commits adultery with another man's wife, one who commits adultery with his friends's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death."
In other words, don't get drunk during the reception and mess around with the maid of honor. Now that's good advice.
6) Deuteronomy 9:24 "You have been rebellious against the lord from the day I knew you."
And you thought your parents weren't going to get to speak during your wedding!!
7) 2 Samuel 6:14 "And David was dancing before the lord with all his might, and David was wearing a linen ephod."
Get ready for a great reception! We've got a live band and enough linen ephods for everyone!
