Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Partyin' Down With Jesus
Charismatics (and boy do they have charisma!)
The most well-known Charismatic denomination is probably the Church of God, so we’ll start there. Church of God-style Christians are usually nice folks who enjoy life: they wear make-up (the women anyway) and nice clothes, they rarely take vows of poverty, and I’ve never yet heard one apologize for having or making a lot of money. On the contrary, Church of God folk believe that God wants to bless everybody with money, health, a nice car, good teeth, even good sex (within one’s own marriage, of course).
Charismatic is a good word for them, since they have charisma in spades. They are also suckers for anything flashy, be it a bright red electric guitar, a $1,000 suit, or an evangelist who is part Amway salesperson and part self-styled prophet. Not surprisingly, given their charisma, nice appearances, and money, charismatics are prone to backsliding (see Southern Baptists). It is not at all uncommon for a charismatic to have an affair, embezzle money, get a DUI, etc., which brings to mind another wonderful quality of charismatics: forgiveness. They are probably the most forgiving denomination around. Charismatics believe in second, third, and thirty-fourth chances – probably because they realize they will soon be needing that same forgiveness in return.
Southern Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians (and other, more pedestrian denominational representatives) were aghast by Jimmy Swaggart’s tearful “I have sinned” confession in which he acknowledged hiring ladies of the evening for non-church services. Yes, Jimmy Swaggart is a married man and a minister of the gospel; he is also Church of God, which means he is allowed to screw up. Church of God folk, although disappointed in Mr. Swaggart, nevertheless forgave him, welcomed him back to the pulpit, and vowed to at least cut back on their own sinning. Charismatics love an evangelist/teacher/preacher who formerly – or even occasionally – lived/lives a dissolute life, since this provides an inordinately forgiving bunch of people more opportunities to forgive. It’s like offering chocolate to a fat kid.
What they believe:
Charismatics believe in the literal interpretation of the Bible, but as I have mentioned, they throw in a huge helping of forgiveness which makes the tough stuff easier to swallow. While they often preach that women should submit to men, Church of God-style Charismatics don’t frown on female ministers, Bible teachers, etc. And if she used to front a rock band, sell Amway, or herself, why she’s even more effective as a minister of the gospel. Male ministers/evangelists are also encouraged to be interesting: former professional athletes, car salesmen, porn actors, and real estate developers are always welcome. Former insurance adjusters? There are other denominations for you, praise God.
Coming tomorrow: Weird religious stuff that nobody gets but everybody finds interesting!
The most well-known Charismatic denomination is probably the Church of God, so we’ll start there. Church of God-style Christians are usually nice folks who enjoy life: they wear make-up (the women anyway) and nice clothes, they rarely take vows of poverty, and I’ve never yet heard one apologize for having or making a lot of money. On the contrary, Church of God folk believe that God wants to bless everybody with money, health, a nice car, good teeth, even good sex (within one’s own marriage, of course).
Charismatic is a good word for them, since they have charisma in spades. They are also suckers for anything flashy, be it a bright red electric guitar, a $1,000 suit, or an evangelist who is part Amway salesperson and part self-styled prophet. Not surprisingly, given their charisma, nice appearances, and money, charismatics are prone to backsliding (see Southern Baptists). It is not at all uncommon for a charismatic to have an affair, embezzle money, get a DUI, etc., which brings to mind another wonderful quality of charismatics: forgiveness. They are probably the most forgiving denomination around. Charismatics believe in second, third, and thirty-fourth chances – probably because they realize they will soon be needing that same forgiveness in return.
Southern Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians (and other, more pedestrian denominational representatives) were aghast by Jimmy Swaggart’s tearful “I have sinned” confession in which he acknowledged hiring ladies of the evening for non-church services. Yes, Jimmy Swaggart is a married man and a minister of the gospel; he is also Church of God, which means he is allowed to screw up. Church of God folk, although disappointed in Mr. Swaggart, nevertheless forgave him, welcomed him back to the pulpit, and vowed to at least cut back on their own sinning. Charismatics love an evangelist/teacher/preacher who formerly – or even occasionally – lived/lives a dissolute life, since this provides an inordinately forgiving bunch of people more opportunities to forgive. It’s like offering chocolate to a fat kid.
What they believe:
Charismatics believe in the literal interpretation of the Bible, but as I have mentioned, they throw in a huge helping of forgiveness which makes the tough stuff easier to swallow. While they often preach that women should submit to men, Church of God-style Charismatics don’t frown on female ministers, Bible teachers, etc. And if she used to front a rock band, sell Amway, or herself, why she’s even more effective as a minister of the gospel. Male ministers/evangelists are also encouraged to be interesting: former professional athletes, car salesmen, porn actors, and real estate developers are always welcome. Former insurance adjusters? There are other denominations for you, praise God.
Coming tomorrow: Weird religious stuff that nobody gets but everybody finds interesting!
